Fair shake of the Sauce bottle - Asylum seekers stop coming

 

 

I'm not sure what's gone wrong, doesn't anyone read the Telegraph anymore?

I don't belong here!

Stop the boats - drownings - FBT job losses - Policy on the run .... Time for a Selfie

Note to self: when times get tough distract.
Man these disabled toilets have poor ventilation, fortunately my shit don't stink..
Ha Ha Kevin

World's climate fixed - thank you Kevin

You know me, I’m a climate change warrior.

I’d travel to any International Conference on Climate Change at a moment’s notice. Climate change and K Rudd are one – the greatest moral challenge of our time accepted by the greatest carbon warrior of our time!

No one travelled to more conferences, held more press conferences, wrote more speeches or made more outrageous claims about the impact of climate change than me. I was milking climate change before anyone else....and what did I do – I drove a Prius.

Today I wanted to announce that Climate Kevin was back, look out Carbon here I come again. I’ve scrapped the Carbon Tax and made pollution cheaper for working families, well made it appear that way.

As you know it’s not about the detail, it’s about the headline.

 

Climate fixed – the world saved and I’ve done it at Aldi prices.

Thank God for Kevin.

 

I love it when I can make my morals cheaper

I'll reduce Power prices...just like I did with groceries & petrol

Another NEW COP ON THE BEAT is coming.....look out Australia!

Australia's First Opposition Prime Minister

Being the first Opposition Prime Minister is quiet taxing.

I think I've successfully managed to prove I had nothing to do with anything Labor.....ever!

• I hate Gillard and I actually got rid of her (Abbott couldn't do that)
• I apologised for the Pink Batts deaths - a stupid scheme run by some terrible former Labor government
• I'm taking on the Unions and faceless men - those terrible elements of the Labor Party where creepy backbenchers can destabilise the elected Leader for years, then brutally remove them.
• I talk about the future and hope and what's wrong with this country after 6 years of Labor rule

I was tempted to have the Kevin 07.1 debate the old Kevin on these issues at the Press Club yesterday

Kevin 07.1 is a clean slate - no baggage and no past - reincarnated as the perfect leader who Australia fell in love with in 2007.

We're workshoping new party names and logos to take the election - the new consultative Kevin is open to suggestions, just checking now to see if Abbott has trademarked The Liberal Party

What a crazy cat I am.....

I love twitter, it allows narcissists like me to share the most inane things with millions of people.

Check this out – funny huh? What a wacky man of the people I am.

I’m going to take a selfie of me pooing my pants soon – stay tuned.

Australia's Ruddymoon period continues

The only way this marriage works is if you all close your eyes and start again.

I'm Kevin 07.1.

The hype, the hope, I can fix everything, I'm the great communicator, man of the people, all round nice guy, global statesman, honest politician, common man and nerd made good. It's as simple as that!

It wasn't me yelling on the video, I didn't abuse the flight attendant or have half my cabinet resign because they think I'm a psychopath. I didn't get any warning letters about Pink Batts, I didn't knife Julia - that's horrible Kevin and he's gone.

Phew - I think you bought it!

Man up Tony, come and bash the Nerd

It's officially year zero, welcome to the new Australia and K Rudd has just been democratically elected PM.

I'm officially wiping my past, new Kevin has risen - the love child of Confucious and Paris Hilton.

Some things never change, I'm still the deluded narcissist I always was.

C'mon Tony, come and debate the masterdebater. I've officially got nothing to hide!

Gotta zip (my ego)

Here we go again.....Sorry, Sorry Sorry!

I'm Australia's leading apologist. Sorry for all the anger, Sorry for the Stolen Generation, Sorry for abusing the flight attendant, Sorry for not solving the biggest moral challenge of our generation, Sorry for delivering nothing of consequence in 3 years as Prime Minister.

Here I go again. "Sorry for the young people needlessly killed by 'the government’s' mismanagement of the Pink Batts scandal".

Not my governments, not my mismanagement – the governments. See how I distance myself and didn’t take responsibility. Aren’t I clever!

OK - now let's move on to my good mates Marty and SBY. Lots of photos opps, lots of tweets and hopefully lots of votes!