Saturday, September 27, 2008

My UN speech a hit

For months they'd heard I was coming, the next UN Secretary General. The only man who could fix the world......and didn't they turn up!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I think I may have solved the crisis

I've spoken to all the key figures in New York and between us I think I've solved the Financial crisis.

I believe my plea for a quick resolution to the stand off over the bailout package at my press conference after meeting the Naked Cowboy has convinced Congress to sort this out.

UN Secretary General Rudd, has a nice ring to it!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

I'm off to NY to save the World's financial markets

I love NY, most of all the United Nations Building and my old stomping ground Scores strip Club.

I've been criticised for leaving this bankrupt backwater and heading off to the US, but as I learned the hard way, if the world's in crisis then they need me there!

I still blame myself for the failure to get resolution at the recent Doha WTO talks, I wasn't there and it failed.

I personally believe I'm the only man on the plant who can solve this crisis, I'll be revealing details of "BANKWATCH" when I arrive in NY.

This is round 2 of my eventual move to become UN Secretary General and effectively run the world, solve the world's financial crisis, solve global warming and it's mine.
I grew up with picture of Kurt Waldhiem over my bed and won a Javier Pérez de Cuéllar look-a-like competition at the Beijing Embassy Christmas Party in 1985. As a boy I dreamed of running the world - looks like nothing's going to stop me now!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I take full responsibility .....but it is their fault

I’ve repeatedly said to Australian Working Families I take full responsibility for the economy, the good news and the bad news. That is what my Leadership is all about.

But until some good news finally arrives I am just going to have to keep blaming the Liberals. That’s also what my Leadership is all about.

It’s been difficult for me rebuilding the poverty stricken country I inherited. I feel for Morgan Tsvangirai.

I’ve had to deal with the Inflation Genie, Savage Budget Cuts, Decisive Schemes like Fuel Watch and Grocery Watch, my Mille Vanilli Education Revolution, my tax led fix of binge drinking and my carbon reduction, but not drought breaking, scheme. Boy have I been talking a good talk!

As my dear old mum said, “Kevin, words speak louder than actions when you’re incapable of action”. You know, she was right.