Forget Mary, Saint Kevin is a done deal

My meeting with the Holy Father was again a highlight for the Pope.
We talked briefly about Mary McKillop but moved quickly to the miracles that I have performed, I must say they leave poor Mary in their wake.

The Pope acknowledged 4 miracles from me to date.

1. Convincing Australian’s that I was an Economic Conservative while running up record debt levels, then telling them the debt from my spending spree would only be temporary.
2. Having Australian’s believe Grocery Watch, Petrol Watch and the Petrol Commissioner were ever good ideas
3. Convincing Australians my policy on the run, my renaming stimulus spending, my computers in one or two schools and my stolen policies are actually an Education Revolution
4. My popularity ratings at record levels despite my abusing a flight attendant, my staff in Canberra and the hairdryer incident in Afghanistan.

The Pope has requested further detail on my miracle of single handedly saving that old bloke’s life at a Canberra church, my saving of the Whales from the Japanese and my saving of the Barrier Reef by my delayed Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme. He did acknowledge the fact that I renamed an Emissions Trading Scheme, the Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme as being miraculous in passing also.

Anyway he’s expecting that my beatification should be around the corner and poor Mary will have to wait.

Messiah to visit the Vatican

Rome is humming - Australia's self proclaimed saviour will visit the Pope in the Vatican to teach him a thing or two about stimulus packages and saving the world.

Fantastic Minister promoted???

No one can say I promoted on merit? I think Chris represents those millions of Australian's who are completly full of themselves but are incapable of doing anything.....a man in my own image

Fair Shake of the Sauce bottle - The Opposition Leader is worse than a people smuggler

• I call on the Leader of the Opposition to resign.
  
  The Opposition Leader is charged with:
  
  Conspiring to have John Grant give me a free ute
  Manipulating my personal life by having John Grant become my mate
  Blackmailing Wayne Swan in to buying a car from John Grant
  Hypnotising Godwin Grech in to implicating me and my office and Wayne Swan in scandal
  Having the whole of Treasury's senior staff focussed on getting a finance deal for John Grant in the midst of a global credit squeeze
  Falsely having updates on Treasury's efforts to secure finance for John Grant sent to Wayne Swan's fax
  Standing up in Parliament and doing an impresonation of me and Wayne Swan and denying all knowledge of any efforts to influence assistance for John Grant.
  
  As you can see these are grave charges against the Opposition Leader and he must resign or buy a new Kia from John Grant motors for all his front bench.

I have the credibility of a Used Car Salesman

My axis of evil has been extended.

People Smugglers, Gordon Ramsey, RAAF flight attendants, Belinda Neal, Neo Liberals, Banks, CEO’s and False gods remain but I have to add Used Car Salesman.

Two days in row we had screaming babies removed from Parliament.

Today I carried a screaming Swanny out to his carers. I’m actually getting a bit teary myself, but a good night on the spinning wheel should see me come out shining.

Fair Shake of the Sauce bottle

Fair dinkum, Aussie Kev is buggered. These pesky journos give me grief, fair shake of the sauce bottle you journo's!

I gave Joel the lemon & sars, 'cos he behaved like a tosser. I give Mark Abib and Chris Bowen a leg up and cop flack. Mark did a great job starring in fat pizza and Chris has nailed Grocery watch, Fuel Watch and the Petrol Commissioner. Taking the piss aren't I?

Aussie Kev has had enough - hey i'm just an average true blue aussie bloke. I've just seen the pics of Therese in Woman's Day, what a sheila! I'm off to spank the monkey!

Rudd singed when hairdryer malfunctions