Sunday, August 31, 2008

Viva the Education Revolution

This week I announced the cornerstone of my election policy "The Education Revolution", previously known as Liberal Policy!

I have to confess my love of the works of the great Education Revolutionary John Winston Howard.

Viva the Revolution!

Monday, August 11, 2008

I like Chinese

My trip to Beijing was critical. I got some excellent photo ops with my Aussie athletes, trotted out my command of Mandarin, met my old friend George W, but most of all cemented my position as the World's pre eminent Mandarin Speaking Politician with my beloved Chinese constituency.

My old mate Hu did the honours in opening the games, I nodded away as he let fly in Mandarin, surrounded by various dignitaries. I provided real time translation - built an instant bridge between the world and China.

I sense my star is rising in China. The Chinese President now answers my phone calls with Hu not Who and I was given the rock star treatment in Beijing being mobbed by the crowds. They all wanted to sell me watches, but I know they recognise me.

By the time I'm finished with Australia I'll be torn , the first democratic leader of China or UN Secretary General? Either way the world will be a better place.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Watch Grocery Prices tumble

Hang on Australia, your Red Spot specials start now!

My Grocery inquiry has shown what I suspected all along. I did deceive Australian Working Families into voting for me on the false assumption I could reduce Grocery prices.

After the success of Fuel Watch and the Petrol Cop, here comes Grocery Watch. If you don't think that won't reduce Grocery prices then try Unit Pricing!

Unit pricing will be compulsory even though everyone has already said they'll do it. You'll now know all the hidden secrets of those tricky retailers.

A Variety Pack of Chips is more expensive per gram than a 2 kg bag of chips. Thank you Unit pricing. Thank you Kevin Rudd!

So buy the kids 2kgs for their lunchboxes, add to the obesity crisis....but do it with the knowledge you've saved money. (per gram anyway!)

Don't thank me now - wait until the next election!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

If only they'd invited me to the Doha talks

"I last night was ... until about 2am this morning on the phone to various people in Geneva, on the phone to Prime Minister Gordon Brown and others about how this could be rescued. It didn't work. I am deeply disappointed."

The DOHA round of the WTO talks failed and I blame myself. I feel the pain Superman felt when he wasn't there for Lois Lane.

I've instructed the WTO to never have another meeting without me, I think they got the message