Monday, February 18, 2008

Jobs for the boys, my twin brother petrol Commissioner

Patrick Walker aka Pat Rudd is our new Petrol Commissioner. Pat and I were reunited by our local church after Pat's family commented on his unfortunate resemblance to me during the election.

Pat was part of the Stolen Generation, Children of Eumundi taken away from nerdish families determined to give them balanced, fulfilling lives by the more well rounded citizen's of the Sunshine Coast.

It was great to see genetics took over and his love of Petrol prices meant Pat was my man. Look out Shell and BP, you've now got 2 Rudds to deal with.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Week 1 and I’ve almost saved the World

Well my Sorry speech has finally put the Aboriginal problem to rest. I thought I was brilliant, had the crowd eating out of my palms - haven't had that much audience support since those screaming schoolgirls during the election. Aboriginal relations fixed!

I'm not one for tokenism but I think my wage freeze has put the Inflation genie back in her bottle! Millionaires like me aren't in it for the money, my investments make me all my money. That bunch I've got received an increase after moving from shadow to real portfolios anyway.

Showing Industry an example like that is sure to stop those money grabbing CEO's taking wage increases. Wage inflation fixed!

Finally, my 3 hour visit to Timor to sort out who tried to knock off my best best mate Jose (did I tell you I stayed at his house?) is carbon well spent I say!

I can't trust the word of my commanders and troops on the ground or the UN. No Kelvin's gotta go and fix it himself. I honestly have no idea how the world operated BD (Before Dudd). Timor fixed!

What a week

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Key ALP role - D'Ath to sit behind Rudd

In keeping with getting a young attractive female to sit behind Kevin Rudd , Kate Ellis has been flicked to the Ministry and newcomer Yvette D'Ath has been given the key role.

"Yvette beat a top class field. Her nodding and smiling skills were outstanding..... but her performance in the swimsuit section really sealed victory" said proud Leader Kevin Rudd. "I'm expecting lots of emotion during the Sorry speech, Yvette has been working all week in the mirror."