Monday, June 30, 2008

Mr Tough Guy upsets Gippsland - bad luck

It was simple, the people of Gippsland were reacting to my tough decisions since being elected and they voted for the Nationals.

Well I've got news for the people of Gippsland - there'll be more!

My tough stance with Japan on whaling resulting in me forgiving them and throwing millions of taxpayer dollars at their car Industry, my tough Greenhouse stance in getting rid of the Government Statesman for an Imported Prius, my tough stance on big Oil by appointing a Petrol Commissioner who's squeezed them to record bowser prices and now my Grocery Inquiry which has shocked Supermarkets into selling at ever increasing prices - well call me brutal, but I ain't stopping.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Japan I'm finally here to help you!

Well I’m off again. This time its Japan and Indonesia receiving a dose of Rudd. I honestly believe that my mandate is to help civilise the world as well as to rebuild Australia.

What’s my answer to soaring petrol prices and angst over carbon emissions and trading? Jump on a fuel guzzling, carbon emitting jet and sweep across the region. The hypocrisy has become part of me, I think it’s defined my reign to date.

If I can help my Asian mates fix their countries prior to them joining me in the AU in 2020 then all the better for us as citizens of Austasia and for me as its 2020 President. I’ll only take the role if I’m not UN Secretary General. I expect it will be a difficult choice but I may even do both.

You know I recently described myself as the World’s Pre-eminent Mandarin Speaking Politician. ‘What about President HU?’ they said. Frankly I rate myself higher than HU. Hu would never have defeated John Howard in the last election and I honestly doubt he’d have even assumed the Leadership of the ALP.

I must also express my disappointment at Australia’s best and brightest. The 2020 Summit failed to come up with the AU concept and missed FuelWatch.

I’m already questioning the Summit’s recommendations apart from their endorsement of my Super Child Care centres. I said to Therese I may have to lock away a weekend soon and have my own 2020 Summit. I’m sure the world will be the better for it.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

How fickle you all are

What have I done to deserve this? You’d think I’d misled Australia, took populist positions to win favour with everyone, been gushy and insincere and said anything to win favour with the cool crowd.

How quickly you all turn, you’re the shallow insincere ones not me. People get over it.
Therese tucked a very upset PM into bed with a hot Milo last night. I listened to a bit of John Denver on my Sony Walkman and drifted off for my three hours of sleep.

First the Public Service turn on me for making them work 18 hour days – what else is there to do in Canberra? Cate writes me a note having a crack at me over the teen porn pics. I personally think the dogs playing pool is my favourite piece of modern art and believe this is the sort of art we as a nation should be producing more of. I told Cate so.

Then my beloved Australian Working Families turn on me in the latest opinion poll. What’s their problem? I couldn’t have said more about them in the past 6 months. 15,385 mentions at last count!

Finally, and the one that really hurts, the U.S. government of my best friend George W has a go about my Iraq war comments. Why can’t they move on and rewrite history like I did on this.

It’s the world’s fault, at least Julia, Peter and Swanny still love me. I'll keep an eye on Julia just in case though!