Thursday, December 27, 2007

I only the visit the needy with Camera crews and a media manager

My impromtu visits to Homeless shelters with camera crews from every major network and bus loads of journalists aren't about political exploitation of the needy.

I want to publicise the needy and hopefully their now regular appearances on all major media outlets, will see them secure jobs.

I figure if I keep visiting places like Bali, Afghanistan, Iraq, Churches and these shelters it looks like I'm actually doing something and deflects from the fact I'll never make a major decision.

Monday, December 10, 2007

My first big test and boy am I talking the talk!

Unware that I'm now actually running the country and have to act rather than talk, I've decided my "KEVIN07" cliche politics is probably best continued.

Hey, it got me elected - people didn't want action, they wanted soundbites.

Sure grocery prices are high - I'll appoint a commissioner (won't fix them) and Oil prices are high, another commissioner (no fix). But my much exploited "Australian Working Families" (AWF's) don't see the distinction - if I talk they assume it's fixed.

My PR and Spin team are working on a series of new slogans and soundbites as we speak, they're in focus groups full of AWF's to get the message just right - My favourite's "Carbon Kevin - bringing clean air from Heaven", "Yes I want clean air - I'm eating carbon reduced baked beans" "Kevin the World's First Carbon Crusader"

Living with a 2050 target is about as committed as my government will get over the next 3 years - so who gives a stuff what we commit to for then, I'll only get kicked out over any commitments I make for the next decade - and there's no chance of that - maybe I'll commission a report, then a conference and then a summit!

Friday, December 7, 2007

My Climate Change policy is more HOT air

In Opposition I rightly accused Prime Minister Howard of being asleep on climate change. Global warming was clearly his fault and Australia's position in not ratifying Kyoto was the deal breaker in not getting the major polluters to the negotiating table.

In my "race to ratify" I had finally broken the global deadlock. Standing ovations in Bali, I am truly a global hero of Al Gore proportions.
The Inconvenient Truth is no one told me it would cost jobs, devastate my beloved Australian Working Families (apart from John Howard). Even my command of Mandarin wouldn't be enough to get China, India and the USA to sign up to binding targets. Come to think of it, it probably won't get me to commit.

Oh well it's Garrett's fault! Can't be all got me elected and Canberra's climate's become more like home every day.

Monday, December 3, 2007

I'm sure I told Australian Working Families about the cost of Kyoto?

I'm sure I mentioned that ratifying Kyoto would increase the burden on Australian Working Families via higher energy costs, didn't I?
At least I didn't say I'd have interest rates at record lows, (Record highs Julia says!)

Of course my Ombudsman will decrease grocery prices, because increased energy prices from Kyoto will reduce Grocery Manufacturers and Retailers costs so they can reduce prices, won't it?

Oh well, I'm an economic conservative, surrounded by fellow Economic conservatives, so everything will be OK! If only we were Economic literates.