Thursday, July 30, 2009

Don't be too fussy about a job - become a government minister

With our temporary recession forcing up temporary unemployment, it's important Australian Not Working Children don't become too fussy about what jobs they take.

We can't all be global statesmen fixing the World's problems - that's reserved for me, but as Mark Abib demonstrates we aren't fussy about who makes a government minister. It actually pays to be stupid!

We're creating 50,000 green jobs to replace the million jobs our CPRS is taking out and giving long term unemployed a weekly green outing. After today I think Mark may be amoungst them, so I'll need another semi literate fool to run a ministry.

C'mon kids don't be fussy, you get to wear lots of hard hats and get your head on TV.

Monday, July 27, 2009

My centrefold a success

My brief 6000 word centrespread provided the world with a blueprint for success. I hope Silvio, Angela, Gordon and Barack get their copies soon.

I hear newspaper sales have never been stronger, really it should be a weekly event. Australian Working Families of course are avid readers of the Fairfax broadsheets, particularly 6000 word spreads.

It also highlighted that I may finally have to make a hard decision.......but after the next election.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Forget Mary, Saint Kevin is a done deal

My meeting with the Holy Father was again a highlight for the Pope.
We talked briefly about Mary MacKillop but moved quickly to the miracles that I have performed, I must say they leave poor Mary in their wake.

The Pope acknowledged 4 miracles from me to date.

1. Convincing Australian’s that I was an Economic Conservative while running up record debt levels, then telling them the debt from my spending spree would only be temporary.
2. Having Australian’s believe Grocery Watch, Petrol Watch and the Petrol Commissioner were ever good ideas
3. Convincing Australians my policy on the run, my renamed stimulus spending, my computers in one or two schools and my stolen policies are actually an Education Revolution
4. My popularity ratings at record levels despite my abusing a flight attendant, my staff in Canberra and the hairdryer incident in Afghanistan.

The Pope has requested further detail on my miracle of single handedly saving that old bloke’s life at a Canberra church, my saving of the Whales from the Japanese and my saving of the Barrier Reef by my delayed Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme. He did acknowledge the fact that I renamed an Emissions Trading Scheme, the Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme as being miraculous in passing also.

Anyway he’s expecting that my beatification should be around the corner and poor Mary will have to wait.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Messiah to visit the Vatican

Rome is humming - Australia's self proclaimed saviour will visit the Pope in the Vatican to teach him a thing or two about stimulus packages and saving the world.