Saturday, June 30, 2007

Aussie Royalty means Therese and me

Why would we want that grubby, young, little, party Prince as our Governor General. Australia is only big enough for one King and First Lady thank you very much.

The last thing this country needs is an inexperienced, younger upstart taking cheap shots at the Leader about their age gap!

We all know the only good thing to ever come out of Britain is the Spice Girls. When I'm elected PM I'm instituting a Royal Box at Boondall just in time for the World tour, should make great press as Posh Spice plants one on The Sexy PM downunder!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

If anyone can end child poverty, it's me!

I announced my Health policy, well sort of. Just the usual statement of the bleedingly obvious ("heart disease, diabetes and asthma were increasingly draining the health care system and costing Australians in a broader economic sense - but they were all preventable or manageable") and somehow then apportioning blame on the Federal Liberal government for all State Labor government issues, before concluding with my policy to fix it all.......but - "all details are yet to be released and an Independent commissioner or task force will sort it out if we haven't got a policy."

It works a date I've already solved our Education issues, Industrial relations, cured Heart disease and retrained Doctors, broken the drought (it was my policy), solved all our economic ills, mandated peace in Iraq and fixed Global warming.

Clearly I've done more for this country in 6 months than Howard's done in 10 years.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

If only I could take the Labor out of Labor Party

I've told Julia on numerous occasions I'm sick of her grubby Trade Union friends. If they didn't fund our advertising campaigns, provide 90% of our membership and parliamentary candidates, I'd ban the lot of them.
"Smelly and ugly," I've called them on many occasions as I surveyed the party room.

First it's Julia's kissing cousin Dean Mighell, now Fat Joe the building bully.

Julia and I met with the Executive and we're concerned Howard will use his N.T. Legislation and take Trade Unions over from their Leadership. Couldn't blame him really given the way they behave.

Well Mr. Howard you're not the only clever politician going around, I've decided when I'm running this country we'll stop this Union Official bad behaviour. It's now our policy to ban any filming or recording of Union Officials at any place or time.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

No more Dilly Dalia'ing - I meet the Lama

The polls suggested I should meet the Lama so meet the Lama I did. I was that impressed with the media coverage I've appointed another Commissioner to manage my diary for opportunistic appointments that will lead to my election.

I hope I haven't upset the Chinese - I really wanted to impress them with my command of Mandarin. Gary says I've blown my chance, he's got the new Diary Commissioner trying to tee up a meeting with John So.

Monday, June 11, 2007

More Commissioners, less Unionists

My staff informed me that petrol prices were polling as the day's big issue. I clearly had no choice but to announce a Petrol Commissioner. I think my new strategy of appointing a new Commissioner to handle the number 1 poll issue of the day is a piece of genius. I've asked Therese to get 50 CV's to me quick. Really, this country is such a basket case I have no choice but to re-invent every institution and practice.

Sharan rang last night, very unhappy. She'd heard my "go jump" comments on Unionists seeking special treatment under a Labor government. "Sharan, it doesn't mean you and Greg won't be in Cabinet", I think that calmed her down. She scares me when she's angry.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Paul's a great mate of mine

Paul's comments about my staff being poll driven and unsuccessful are totally unfair. Paul's a great bloke, a real chum of mine and a brilliant Labor warrior like Gough and my other great mate Bob. They tell me my friendly homesy, best mate chat polls well. Anyway, Therese placed the staff for me, disadvantaged unemployed they were. Julia says we're stuck with them no matter how bad they are, must show support for our new IR policies. Must go, they've just told me we're sending another aircraft carrier full of troops to Afghanistan.
"I 100% support the sending of our troops to defend emerging democracies in foreign countries overthrown by the Americans....what's that Gary...oh yes.....except in Iraq. The polls say Iraq stinks, but Afghanistan's fine - keep sending the troops I say....Quality men my staff, those comments should poll well, right Gary?"

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I'm not sure I like the Labor Party

I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like Trade Unionists. They're grubby, uneducated, underdressed, unattractive and inarticulate. Julia's always defending them, but to be honest I'm off them.

I'm having lots of doubts, Therese has been on and on about how great AWA's are, I don't really want to drive a Hybrid car. Maybe I'm a Liberal at heart? Could I get Howard's job after all, Leader of the Liberal Party,!.............."Therese honey, I've got another idea".....