Saturday, June 27, 2009

Fantastic Minister promoted???

No one can say I promoted on merit? I think Chris represents those millions of Australian's who are completly full of themselves but are incapable of doing anything.....a man in my own image

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fair Shake of the Sauce bottle - The Opposition Leader is worse than a people smuggler

  • I call on the Leader of the Opposition to resign.

    The Opposition Leader is charged with:

    Conspiring to have John Grant give me a free ute
    Manipulating my personal life by having John Grant become my mate
    Blackmailing Wayne Swan in to buying a car from John Grant
    Hypnotising Godwin Grech in to implicating me and my office and Wayne Swan in scandal
    Having the whole of Treasury's senior staff focussed on getting a finance deal for John Grant in the midst of a global credit squeeze
    Falsely having updates on Treasury's efforts to secure finance for John Grant sent to Wayne Swan's fax
    Standing up in Parliament and doing an impresonation of me and Wayne Swan and denying all knowledge of any efforts to influence assistance for John Grant.

    As you can see these are grave charges against the Opposition Leader and he must resign or buy a new Kia from John Grant motors for all his front bench.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I have the credibility of a Used Car Salesman

My axis of evil has been extended.

People Smugglers, Gordon Ramsey, RAAF flight attendants, Belinda Neal, Neo Liberals, Banks, CEO’s and False gods remain but I have to add Used Car Salesman.

Two days in row we had screaming babies removed from Parliament.

Today I carried a screaming Swanny out to his carers. I’m actually getting a bit teary myself, but a good night on the spinning wheel should see me come out shining.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Fair Shake of the Sauce bottle

Fair dinkum, Aussie Kev is buggered. These pesky journos give me grief, fair shake of the sauce bottle you journo's!

I gave Joel the lemon & sars, 'cos he behaved like a tosser. I give Mark Abib and Chris Bowen a leg up and cop flack. Mark did a great job starring in fat pizza and Chris has nailed Grocery watch, Fuel Watch and the Petrol Commissioner. Taking the piss aren't I?

Aussie Kev has had enough - hey i'm just an average true blue aussie bloke. I've just seen the pics of Therese in Woman's Day, what a sheila! I'm off to spank the monkey!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Psycho Chook - would you like fries with that?

So Barnaby Joyce thinks I'm a birdseed eating Psycho Chook. "Nothing weird about me" I screamed at my staff.

I ran off to the prayer room, chanted myself stupid, blowdried my hair, bowled a cricket ball down the office corridor, did a chicken dance, screamed at my staff again, rang Barack Obama (it was 2am Washington time), rang Kim Jong-il and asked him for his hairdresser's number, called a summit of my staff and then told then my ideas, donated to the save the whale people - then ordered whale sashimi takeaway, drove my eco-friendly Prius to the airport and flew off around the country, froze the punter's superannuation top ups but let mine go through, rang George Bush and told him "it's the G20 stupid" (it was 4am in Texas) then announced the Barrier Reef was almost dead but I'd fix it in 3 years.

Who's the wanker who said I was a psycho?