Fair Shake of the Sauce bottle - The Opposition Leader is worse than a people smuggler

• I call on the Leader of the Opposition to resign.
  
  The Opposition Leader is charged with:
  
  Conspiring to have John Grant give me a free ute
  Manipulating my personal life by having John Grant become my mate
  Blackmailing Wayne Swan in to buying a car from John Grant
  Hypnotising Godwin Grech in to implicating me and my office and Wayne Swan in scandal
  Having the whole of Treasury's senior staff focussed on getting a finance deal for John Grant in the midst of a global credit squeeze
  Falsely having updates on Treasury's efforts to secure finance for John Grant sent to Wayne Swan's fax
  Standing up in Parliament and doing an impresonation of me and Wayne Swan and denying all knowledge of any efforts to influence assistance for John Grant.
  
  As you can see these are grave charges against the Opposition Leader and he must resign or buy a new Kia from John Grant motors for all his front bench.

Don’t worry it’s only temporary

$60 BILLION OF TEMPORARY DEBT, 8.5% OF TEMPORARY UNEMPLOYMENT, A TEMPORARY RECESSION – I fail to see what the issue is. Trust me it’s only temporary!

I’ll temporarily increase taxes, banks will have temporary record interest rates, the recession may temporarily go on a bit longer, maybe some more Working families will temporarily become just good old families. Trust me it’s temporary!

.....and you can all temporarily stay at work longer before retirement.

Seems the only gap we’re closing is that between your retirement and your funeral, but feel good in the knowledge you spent a lifetime helping pay off all those $900 Flat screens.

To be like me

My Transformation of Australia into the World according to Rudd takes another stride at this year’s Budget.

As I keep telling my colleagues, Australia elected Kevin07, not the ALP. Australia fell in love with her future image when she voted for me and I intend transforming her into that very image. The USA has had John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, Australia will have Kevin.

I’m the aspirational beacon for Australia’s youth and I’m groovy and on the web.

My policies reflect my moulding of Australia into a country that will reflect my personal values, experiences and inadequacies.

I have been disappointed in the Australia I've seen so far. If the Summit had our best and brightest then I think I'll have the next Summit in my office. Now it looks like I’m going to have to micro-manage the daily lives of Australian’s – dictating their alcohol intake and choices, how they spend their money – even withholding their pensions if they’re naughty and dictating all their choices in education.

Stay tuned to Swanny doing his best Kevin07 impersonation – see if you can spot my hand up his back!

As I’ve always said the World will be a better place when everyone’s finally like me.