Thursday, August 29, 2013

The black hole grows bigger and bigger and threatens a global recession

Penny and L Plate Treasurer worked through the night on our excel spreadsheet and found another $10 billion black hole. It was Treasury approved, they use the same excel package as we do!

Add it to the $15 trillion black hole and I've caught Tony Abbott out, aren't I clever! My speech was inspirational, Penny was serious, concerned and horrified. L plate was equally stern, pouting in disgust just like the acting teacher instructed..... and I was brilliant.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I'm a serious World Leader...I've got a picture to show it

It's never about action, it's always about perception. Here's a pic of me, arms not long enough for a selfie, on the phone trying to get Broncos tickets from my old mate Rupert.

For all the world it could have been Barak ringing for my advice on Syria, alas he mustn't have my number - he never returns my calls.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

The more you see the more you love... Too much ain't enough Rudd!

I've always worked on the theory "Too much ain't enough Rudd".

Fair dinkum, I'd travel through the night to get 30 seconds on a TV program - so what's the issue Australia? 

You've clearly not got enough Rudd.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

A new way - with NO negative politics, that's me.

Just quietly.... Tony Abbott will drive us in to recession, he'll cut 18 million jobs and shut 50,000 schools and we'll be at war with Indonesia over boat people.

I'm not being negative just passing on irrefutable facts.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

They're not broken promises...I’m just a bit over exuberant with the truth. (again)

My Twitter exploded with people calling me a hypocrite over my negative ads on Tony Abbott. C’mon guys, fair suck of the sauce bottle!

You know me, I’m happy Selfie Kev. KRUDDMP, Kevin 07 – the happiest, wackiest, most hip and popular PM ever.   The guy who screams at flight attendants, rages at staff when I don’t get my way, has hissy fits if I can’t get a hair dryer in Afghanistan, screams and bangs his fists in rage on camera.

I’m the guy who School kids love, the guy who said he’d never see circumstances where he’d take on the leadership of the Labor party, the guy who hasn’t lurched to the right on Asylum seekers.

C’mon guys – I’m not in to negative ads, remember it’s a new way!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Today's Opinion polls can't be right!

I personally cannot believe the latest opinion poll. I gotta say Australia, you’ve got it wrong.

Speaking personally, I have never loved myself as much as I do now. I’m back, the people’s Prince has been resurrected.
C’mon Australia – I’m the lovable nerd, what about the zany selfies, the massive intellect, the ability to speak Chinese, the adoration of 10 year old school kids, even Peter Beattie says he loves me.
It’s not fair the Murdoch press have turned on me. I’ve given them more stories than any MP in the past 7 years. I’ve still got the ABC & Fairfax onside, but I’m lobbying Ten to bring back ROVE for a month.
Australia, I’ll get really angry – just like the video, if you don’t show you love me by voting me back as PM. Fair shake of the Sauce bottle! Get it right. Gotta zip (see, I’m a funny guy).

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I can't get by without my Triple A credit rating

How do you think I could pay out all these billions.... not without my Triple A credit card.

We're going so well we've just written down $33billion in revenue, got a slowing economy, stagnant retail sales, unemployment spiking and whacked up taxes. The cut in interest rates only reinforces how great things are.

Phew, did anyone buy that?

Monday, August 5, 2013

Re elect Australia's greatest Prime Minister for the first time!

I'm new Kevin, old Kevin never really existed. He was a blubbering mess after they punted him.
New Kevin represents a complete change from the incompetent, petty, internally preoccupied, Labor Government of the past 6 years.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

We'll be in surplus - I demand Treasury forecast it!

You know I'm not one to take accountability, it's always someone else's fault.

My honest assessment is we'd be in huge surplus if only Treasury delivered their forecasts. It's that simple.

I'm fixing this by demanding they deliver the latest forecast to achieve yet another Labor surplus, our tenth forecast surplus in 6 years, a proud record of economic management.

My Treasurer Chris Bowen, the man who delivered Grocery Watch and the Petrol Commissioner, is just the man to make it happen.  Oops!  Time for a selfie.. Kim Carr caught leaking in Parliament House!