Thursday, May 31, 2007

I'm a hybrid sort of guy

I'm taking the lead globally yet again with my Climate Change policy. My personal commitment to throwing away my dignity to drive a Toyota hybrid car just shows the lengths I'll go to get elected. My commitment extends to the removal of Baked Beans and Curries from my diet and a world leading rotation policy on my underpants. 2 flips per week is my motto and my cabinet will follow my lead. Sharan said she's a once a fortnight change anyway and Pete the Greeny says he doesn't wear them. I'm demanding that all interstate and overseas travel be undetaken by hot air balloon - my personal renewable fuel.

Given that I'm a hybrid sort of guy Therese is keeping the 450SL Mercedes V8.

"You're driving dear".

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Julia's Mighell High club

I don't know that Julia's friends Dean, Sharan and Greg can be trusted like she says. I almost choked on my Fruit Loops when I heard Dean revealing our IR policy on ABC Radio. I'm not putting up with leaks....I rang Julia and said he had to go.

I was never popular as a child!

It doesn't matter what I do, Australia has fallen in love with me. Therese is now saying the punters don't care about conflicts. She's thinking of buying a broadband cable laying business to get my cable rolled out after the election.

I can't pinpoint when Australia fell in love with me, maybe it was when I sang that song on Sunrise? None the less it's been confirmed by the polls, they love me unconditionally.

Is it my boyhood charm, my humility, that soft insincere tone I use, my regular admissions that "Yes, I'm human - I made another mistake".

All I know is Australia loves me and I love her back.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Who's a clever boy?

Therese performed brilliantly, she never missed any of her lines, nor should she seeing she wrote them all. I did exactly as she said, played the browbeaten husband. You know that incredibly insincere soft voice I do so well..... sure it's all her decision to sell. When we got home she said I'd definitely be sleeping on the couch if she sold the business and I didn't get elected.
"Get elected or get out" she screamed, "I was making a fortune out of the Libs until you came along and stuffed it up!"

"More tea dear?"

Speaking of clever, that horrible little man is planning on spending the GDP of a small country on a TV campaign on global warming......but who's really clever Mr Former P.M.? I've got my ace on fixing global warming, the old ABC weatherman and he's forecasting more Rein!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Therese comes to her senses

Finally Sharan and Julia arrived. It was about 11pm and I was dog tired, in my new pyjamas with 'The Lodge Canberra' embroidered on them and ready for sleepy byes. Therese got the jarmies made during the Hong Kong stop over, bless her.
I love Sharan, she's the man I'd love to be. If Julia's barren then Sharan's ground zero. "Well Therese" she said. "Your little appendage is gunna be PM whether you like it or not." Sharan and Julia then went on to explain their Industrial relations program for after the election. Craig Johnston as the Fair Work Chairman and all the other moves, they were like giggling schoolgirls picking a netball team.
Therese just stood there silent, she couldn't believe I was going to be PM and Julia and Sharan's plans, it was all a bit much.
"As a businesswoman, I've got no choice", she said. "Who in their right mind would own a business in Australia." Sharan and Julia laughed and nodded, "I've got an obligation to my shareholders to sell."
"More tea" I yelled.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Never drunk so much tea

Well it was tense at home when Therese finally arrived. I boiled the kettle, closed my eyes and held my hands out. Nothing.. I knew it was going to be tough. Therese always brings me home the business class toiletry kit. I poured the tea and unpacked her suitcase.
"Well Kevin," she said, "I run a multi million dollar business finding jobs for the disadvantaged. I got you your current role didn't I? I pull about $2 million a year and you're lucky to get $100 thousand. I've played along with this 'Mr Peabody rules the world thing' for long enough now. Maybe you should be a stay at home Dad Kevin. You can be my little appendage, you always admired Dennis Thatcher didn't you".
"More tea Dear?"
It didn't go well, I need a real man to negotiate with her. I might call Sharan. I'm very confused with a bladder full of tea at the moment. I don't know how I'm going to tell Julia