Saturday, April 26, 2008

My next the Tasmanian Tiger

Based on the overwhelming success of my apology to the Stolen Generation my PR Team have another major event planned.

I'm using the first day of sitting in the new parliamentary session to apologise to the Tasmanian Tiger, 75 years after the last Thylacine was captured.

Research says this will broaden my appeal across animal lovers, a key demographic for my new Labor. It will be a heartfelt apology on behalf of all Australians and Tasmanians and should be a real tear jerker.

To commemorate the apology I'm painting stripes over my dog Abigail's rear end and expect all school students to follow suit with their pets.

Brendan Nelson will be invited to respond as I personally hold John Howard responsible for the extinction of the Thylacine it should be another tough one for the Liberals.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

It's Year Zero and Kevin is saving the World

I am officially naming this year, Zero, the first year of the reign of Rudd.

My 2020 confirmation Summit highlighted that Australia didn't exist prior to the Summit.

We have had a brutal totalitarian regime in place, our economy did not exist, our form of government was primitive, our taxation system archaic, our leadership non existent, our education system destroyed Australia's young, didn't provide apples and did not recognise our Asian roots.

I have changed all this, just read my press releases.

I now officially declare the New Australia under Rudd...welcome to Year Zero.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Summit confirms my brilliance

I threw open the windows to let in a bit of fresh air, urged everyone to take hold of the future, to seize the day with our fundamental value of an irreducible human dignity.

As usual I undersold the Summit, didn't want to raise expectations.

So what did I get from my handpicked group of left leaning superior beings?

They overwhelmingly voted to support ALP policy and get us a Republic! In fact the 100 people in the Governance group voted 98-2 in favour of a republic. What an endorsement.
98% of less than 0.0005% of the population has officially endorsed ALP policy. Now that's the sort of break through idea I wanted.

I also got my childcare super centre endorsed, it's my new idea but I'm happy the UK and Victoria have already implemented it. It was part of another brilliant revelation reinforced by my echo Julia. Kids need education to develop their brains.....Unbelievable, if it wasn't for the Summit that would never have come out!

Other significant ideas were that everyone should be like Kevin and speak Mandarin.

It delivered more than I could have hoped for and reinforced that I am in fact the man most suited to be leading the Republic of Australia in 2020 as its President and Supreme Commander.

That got 100% endorsement from my Summiteers.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

2020 Summit a Celebration of Rudd

The 2020 Summit will be Australia's official celebration of our great Leader Kevin.

Official ceremonies giving thanks to Kevin and the Summit's ratification of his ideas as being the greatest ideas ever, will be held through out the weekend.

Kevin the great leader has themed the Summit "When we want a great idea - I'll give you one" and has personally selected every delegate and planted every topic.

"It's modelled on the National People's Congress in my beloved China" Kevin told his followers.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

George W....there’s something in the way he moves

Apologies to George Harrison

Something in the way he moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way he woos me
I don't want to leave him now
You know I believe and how

The words of George Harrison rang in my ears as I stood on the floor of the NATO meeting.

I was new, no one knew me. I was lost and confused. No microphone in my face, no audience wanting me, none of my close friends at hand.
And then I spotted him. Initially out of the corner of my eye. It was his aura that first caught my eye. I knew that aura. It was recently familiar. My heart started pounding, my underpants tightened, my hands began to sweat, my eyes glazed over. It was him!

I intuitively saluted, he was my master, my superior. I had to show him respect. He smiled at my subordinance, I was like a submissive dog ready to roll onto my back for him.
I danced across the floor to be with him again.

God I love George W Bush and I don't care who knows!.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I met my friend Hillary today

I met Hillary today. Aren’t I clever!

I gave Hillary advice on how she could become President of the USA, Leader of the Free World and manage China, because my other new best friend, George (Bush) said I’m a China expert.

I talked for 40 minutes, Hillary said hello and goodbye.

We got on like a house on fire, Hillary is offically one my new best friends, just like Russell (Crowe), Cate (Blanchette), Kirk (Douglas) George (Bush) and Nicole (Kidman).

I think I’ll invite her to my 2020 Summit.