Thursday, July 31, 2008

Patrick Walker - A Great Australian

I'll miss Patrick Walker - not only did he look like my dorky older brother, but I now have no one to sack when Petrol prices hit $2 per litre and Fuel Watch becomes a farce.

I think Patrick did an excellent job in watching the unprecedented increase in fuel prices, he was part of history. I knew I could ring him any time of day and he'd direct my Prius to where the cheapest fuel could be found - without fail.

Patrick's day was unprecedented in government - a 24 hour on the job role. He'd sit up all night monitoring the UK, then US oil price. In daylight he'd watch the Singapore price fluctuations. Then Patrick would watch the price of fuel by suburb, by site, by fuel type. Then he'd do it all over again.

That boy knew his Premium unleaded from his Diesel like no other.

You know, it's my dream job. All that watching and so little action, an occasional tough statement not supported by any action.

I'm gonna miss you Pat.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I'm Trading Carbon no matter what

I don't care what everyone else is doing. I don't even care if Global Warming is real. I'm trading carbon not matter what, because it's my one chance of getting re-elected.

Given I've not managed to save the whales, reduce petrol and grocery prices, decrease Interest Rates or kickstart an Education Skirmish, let alone a Revolution I guess soundbites, t-shirts and a slogan can only get you so far.
All I've got for the next election is Global Warming....and I'm praying it doesn't rain until the day after Election Day.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Pope told me.....he was honoured to meet me

My new mate Ben. I've got the pictures of me "showing him the way" right next to me saluting George W and the G8 group shot.
He even pinched my apology.
If anyone ever doubted my status, they can doubt no longer. I know everyone who's anyone - but most of all they can say they know me!
I thought my World Youth Day performance played brilliantly to the Religous vote. Therese said I had a Holy presence - outshone the Pope and his bad Sigfried impersonation.
He may be able to speak 5 languages but he can't speak Mandarin!
Anyway I asked the big guy to pray that Australian's forget all that talk of lower grocery and oil prices and the one computer per child stuff.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My 360 seconds of fame!

6 minutes, or 360 seconds in front of 8 of the World's most powerful people at the G8! Weren't they lucky.

Ironic isn't it, I jump on an old airforce jet spewing carbon over the Pacific as I head to Japan to speak for 360 seconds on the urgency of Climate Change?

Anyway, as the World's self proclaimed pre-eminent Mandarin Speaking Politician I had the stage I wanted and I lectured to those 8 leaders as if they were backbenchers from the Central Coast.

Why not have a Global Petrol Commissioner? Why not make Fuel Watch global? These hard decisions cost me the Gippsland by-election but I firmly believe the world will be better for them.

Ban Ki-moon rang the bell as I got started on Grocery prices, my friend George missed it all as he'd raced to the men's room. I had no idea Japanese PM Fukuda spoke English as he took his earpiece out.

I think it went well, my proposal for a RUDD9 economic group got a great reaction.

Another problem solved thanks to K-RUDD, surely a Nobel prize is on the radar.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Now Garnaut needs to decide how to Trade Belinda Neal

It's got me concerned but now I'll get Ross Garnaut to work out how we trade Belinda Neal.

Iraq needs new governors, we need a new High Commissioner to Iran, Afghanistan needs female politicians and the London Zoo needs more iguanas!

We'll take any offer, maybe the Democrats won't be lost to Federal Parliament after all.

The Murray Darling - I'm looking in to it!

Our historic intention to have an agreement on the Murray Darling, following our historic agreement to think about having an agreement at the previous COAG and is truly ground breaking, signaling an end to the blame game.

I personally believe Politicians and Public Servants make our world go around, so my solution to every problem is to appoint someone to look at it.

I really grappled with which way to go on this one. A Murray Darling Commissioner, my Petrol Commissioner has been such a success maybe I could have popped someone on the banks of the Murray to ponder its flows.

Maybe a Murray Darling Parliament, in the image of my Asian Union, it could govern the river bringing together a group of third world hack politicians John Brumby, Morris Iemma and co. No!
What about a Ministry for the Murray, Belinda Neal as the new minister?
She’d demand unlimited access for her houseboat, use all the water on her garden and with Della not let anyone else use the river.

An Authority – why not!

Let’s get a group of Public Servants together to run the Murray, the Murray Darling Basin Authority. We’ll take our time getting hold of the right crew as they’ve got so many jobs offers at present.

Another critical issue solved.