I couldn't stand idly by and watch Australia be sent off to war by Tony Abbott.
For the good of the nation and my own ego I had to act and overthrow the elected leader of Australia. It’s for your benefit remember!
Being PM is all about popularity, it’s a bit like Australia’s Got Talent, and haven’t I got talent! You love me and now you’ve got me back (by popular demand).
On to a point of National interest, as the world‘s leading foreign policy expert I can confirm Tony Abbott’s plans to invade Indonesia and then move stormtroopers across to New Guinea. Not satisfied with his new kingdom, Field Marshall Tony will then invade Poland. I predict his demise on the Russian Front in the winter of 2015.
Think of the impact on Indonesian, PNG & Polish working families, think of the carbon Tony will use?
Thank god I’m back and I love gay marriage now and I’ll move the election from Yom Kippur, so a few Jewish votes will also help.