Friday, July 10, 2009

Forget Mary, Saint Kevin is a done deal

My meeting with the Holy Father was again a highlight for the Pope.
We talked briefly about Mary MacKillop but moved quickly to the miracles that I have performed, I must say they leave poor Mary in their wake.

The Pope acknowledged 4 miracles from me to date.

1. Convincing Australian’s that I was an Economic Conservative while running up record debt levels, then telling them the debt from my spending spree would only be temporary.
2. Having Australian’s believe Grocery Watch, Petrol Watch and the Petrol Commissioner were ever good ideas
3. Convincing Australians my policy on the run, my renamed stimulus spending, my computers in one or two schools and my stolen policies are actually an Education Revolution
4. My popularity ratings at record levels despite my abusing a flight attendant, my staff in Canberra and the hairdryer incident in Afghanistan.

The Pope has requested further detail on my miracle of single handedly saving that old bloke’s life at a Canberra church, my saving of the Whales from the Japanese and my saving of the Barrier Reef by my delayed Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme. He did acknowledge the fact that I renamed an Emissions Trading Scheme, the Carbon pollution Reduction Scheme as being miraculous in passing also.

Anyway he’s expecting that my beatification should be around the corner and poor Mary will have to wait.

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