Australia's First Opposition Prime Minister

Being the first Opposition Prime Minister is quiet taxing.

I think I've successfully managed to prove I had nothing to do with anything Labor.....ever!

• I hate Gillard and I actually got rid of her (Abbott couldn't do that)
• I apologised for the Pink Batts deaths - a stupid scheme run by some terrible former Labor government
• I'm taking on the Unions and faceless men - those terrible elements of the Labor Party where creepy backbenchers can destabilise the elected Leader for years, then brutally remove them.
• I talk about the future and hope and what's wrong with this country after 6 years of Labor rule

I was tempted to have the Kevin 07.1 debate the old Kevin on these issues at the Press Club yesterday

Kevin 07.1 is a clean slate - no baggage and no past - reincarnated as the perfect leader who Australia fell in love with in 2007.

We're workshoping new party names and logos to take the election - the new consultative Kevin is open to suggestions, just checking now to see if Abbott has trademarked The Liberal Party

What a crazy cat I am.....

I love twitter, it allows narcissists like me to share the most inane things with millions of people.

Check this out – funny huh? What a wacky man of the people I am.

I’m going to take a selfie of me pooing my pants soon – stay tuned.

Australia's Ruddymoon period continues

The only way this marriage works is if you all close your eyes and start again.

I'm Kevin 07.1.

The hype, the hope, I can fix everything, I'm the great communicator, man of the people, all round nice guy, global statesman, honest politician, common man and nerd made good. It's as simple as that!

It wasn't me yelling on the video, I didn't abuse the flight attendant or have half my cabinet resign because they think I'm a psychopath. I didn't get any warning letters about Pink Batts, I didn't knife Julia - that's horrible Kevin and he's gone.

Phew - I think you bought it!

Man up Tony, come and bash the Nerd

It's officially year zero, welcome to the new Australia and K Rudd has just been democratically elected PM.

I'm officially wiping my past, new Kevin has risen - the love child of Confucious and Paris Hilton.

Some things never change, I'm still the deluded narcissist I always was.

C'mon Tony, come and debate the masterdebater. I've officially got nothing to hide!

Gotta zip (my ego)

Here we go again.....Sorry, Sorry Sorry!

I'm Australia's leading apologist. Sorry for all the anger, Sorry for the Stolen Generation, Sorry for abusing the flight attendant, Sorry for not solving the biggest moral challenge of our generation, Sorry for delivering nothing of consequence in 3 years as Prime Minister.

Here I go again. "Sorry for the young people needlessly killed by 'the government’s' mismanagement of the Pink Batts scandal".

Not my governments, not my mismanagement – the governments. See how I distance myself and didn’t take responsibility. Aren’t I clever!

OK - now let's move on to my good mates Marty and SBY. Lots of photos opps, lots of tweets and hopefully lots of votes!

Forget Misogyny - we're off to War!

I couldn't stand idly by and watch Australia be sent off to war by Tony Abbott.

For the good of the nation and my own ego I had to act and overthrow the elected leader of Australia. It’s for your benefit remember!

Being PM is all about popularity, it’s a bit like Australia’s Got Talent, and haven’t I got talent! You love me and now you’ve got me back (by popular demand).

On to a point of National interest, as the world‘s leading foreign policy expert I can confirm Tony Abbott’s plans to invade Indonesia and then move stormtroopers across to New Guinea. Not satisfied with his new kingdom, Field Marshall Tony will then invade Poland. I predict his demise on the Russian Front in the winter of 2015.

Think of the impact on Indonesian, PNG & Polish working families, think of the carbon Tony will use?

Thank god I’m back and I love gay marriage now and I’ll move the election from Yom Kippur, so a few Jewish votes will also help.

You ask for it....and I'm back

The People's Prince returns

 

It's official Australia - you've been saved