I take full responsibility for my actions. It was the first time I’d seen a naked woman with the lights on. These were the girls who had driven me to glasses during my adolescence – right in front of me, smiling at me, calling my name, gyrating, naked ...... It took all my energy not to regress to my adolescent bedroom.
I don’t remember a thing after that, light beer always was my downfall. Believe me I’ve only been drunk twice! Someone put vodka in my Creamy Soda at the school camp and that night in New York.
I rang Therese next day and told her I’d had Goose for dinner, strangled the goose or behaved like a goose. I can’t remember! She’s very understanding my wife.....she finally spoke to me again when I was elected Opposition Leader. She calls herself Hilary Clinton now.
I beg my adoring public for forgiveness. I am fallible. I never said I was religious or a true clean living family man. I just stage managed that impression, maybe I do have more in common with Mark Latham than John Howard after all.
I just hope this finally endears me to working Australians, those blokes like me who love a bit of crumpet, a night on the piss and a bit of lap dancing before racing home to the misses.