What will Australia be like when we come out of recession?

We’ll have millions of unemployed Australian’s with plasma TV’s, they’ll have liver damage from their $900 binge drinking sessions, we’ll have a generation who expects government to pay off their credit cards via an annual bonus, a major class divide and record taxation levels imposed on the few who are working, but my greatest legacy will be the knowledge everyone will be comfortable in their well insulated rental accomodation.

Oops I started a shitstorm

Old potty-mouth did it again.

As I desperately try to appeal to my left wing, working class base I feel I have to remind them that despite my multi millionaire lifestyle, my fluent Mandarin and my over educated snobbish tone, I am really one of them! Well a cleaner, more educated version anyway!

I'll fix those horrible employers, those filthy rich CEOs and I don't care if I create a shit storm. Did you know I got drunk twice and went to a strip club?

I'm a complex sort of guy

If there’s an election to be won, I’m an economic conservative. If there’s business to be won over then I’m a free markets guy.

If there’s an economic crisis, then I’m a born again socialist. If the budget’s going in to deficit then I can’t pronounce deficit. If we’re in a recession, then I’ll just call it a slow down.

If there’s a CEO to be kicked then I’m against million dollar CEO salaries....but if I want a Rudd family holiday or a new car then I love million dollar CEO salaries.

I’m a complex sort of guy, a hypocrite? No...maybe just a linguistic gymnast.

I can't believe Australia wasn't stimulated by my package!

At least I did something!

Just think how bad things would have been if I hadn't given all those previously working families additional pokie money and paid for them to upgrade to full strength beer.

I quite fancy my package....I can't believe Australia wasn't stimulated.

Your loss Australia.

I'm heading over to see Barack and I'm sure he'll be stimulated. Just the thought of shaking his hand is more than stimulating me!

Boring yes..Toxic...maybe!

I’ll admit I’m a bore – hey anyone who lists Dietrich Bonhoeffer as his hero is about as boring as you’d get.

As a child I was that boring mum had to cover me in the leftover casserole to get the dog to sniff me.

My five longest relationships at school were with deaf people. My relationship with Therese finally took off when I gave her a walkman, our only marital aid now is an ipod.

But Toxic...fair go Tony, I’ve bored people witless, bored them beyond belief, bored them to tears, but never bored them to death.... Give me time.

My pokies revolution approved

It's clear now, we have 2 parties on different paths. Malcolm Turnbull stood in the way of my big handout and the seven day delay will probably result in Australia moving in to its worst recession ever!

My $42 billion War on Insulation, Pokies Revolution and Spend whatever it takes on education to prove I actually had a plan for an 'Education Revolution' will surely send generations of future Australian's in to long term debt and poverty......but at least they'll have been poorly educated in newly built schools!

Just remember who gave the punters $900 and insulated their homes from the weather -but not declining values when the next election rolls around.

Good old Uncle Kev!

Saving the world, it's all in a week's work

After writing the essay that will save the world from Neo Liberal vandals I moved quickly to save a pensioner who collapsed in Church. I did my best, personally carrying this beast of man on my shoulders out of my Church while applying CPR and giving him a $900 bonus.

After helping this poor wretch I then ran home in 40 degree heat and commenced work 24/7 on the $42 billion package to save Australia.

In a time when interest rates are collapsing, petrol prices have fallen and inflation has come down I've given the battlers another pokies handout. I figure they can now play the $2 machines and buy full strength beer given the money that's been freed up lately and this bonus.

Screw the recent unemployed, most of them are Neo Liberal Bankers anyway and screw anyone earning over $100,000 per year. I'd rather give drinking and gambling money to the punters.

My education revolution is back on track thanks to sending Australia $20 billion in debt and my bonus for household insulation will surely offset the hot air coming after I rolled on carbon trading!

Got it covered, I am legend!