What the World needs now is Rudd, Sweet Rudd!

I often wonder if I’m really a Labor man. I can’t stand Trade Unionists, smelly, grubby and uneducated. You know I’ve never met one of them who can speak Mandarin or has ever heard of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

I only ever entered politics for the power trip and an audience. With my superior intellect I figured I’d have more chance of leading the Labor Party than any other.

What’s happened in NSW only confirms my view of the Labor Party. It’s full of morons, too primitive to engage in the reality of today. Hanging on to their outdated Socialist ideals, using bullying and intimidation as their tools of trade and trying to run the policies of the Party they control financially.

Wake up boys, the Tree of Knowledge has been replaced by KEVIN07.

I’m way too smart for these Working Family types! Unfortunately they also vote. You tell them what they want to hear, give them a sympathetic ear. I feel your pain - but not your hand. Paint a false dawn for them, take their money and their brightest Union Leaders (an oxymoron, I know) and then do what you want.

Who really believes that rubbish they trumpet?

The Labor Party would be a much better place if it didn’t have Labor members.

Anyway it’s all about me now. The punters voted for a visionary, a man who walks both sides of every issue, a man not frighten to say he wasn’t briefed on that tough issue or to rationalise a backflip. In fact, one of the most flexible Politicians in the free World. A Leader already hailed in Times Top 100 Most Influential. KEVIN07! And all I had to do was say Sorry! I think that will be my Mantra – Sorry.

Sorry I don’t know about that! Sorry I can’t comment! Sorry, my staff got it wrong! Sorry, I feel your pain! Sorry, I’ll personally fix that! Sorry, it was the previous governments fault!

Elmer Rudd Global Warrior - Now for my prosecution of Ahmadinejad

I'm generally hoping most Australian's will forget my Election promises and spin. You'll say anything when you're courting someone - I actually recall telling Therese her clothes were understated in our early days.

As I've now transformed into Elmer Rudd, global Warrior - it's time I hunted down Iranian Bad boy President Ahmadinejad as per my ill considered pre election bravado.

With my new best friend George W by my side it's time we dragged the bad boy of the Middle East in to do hard time at Long Bay.

Oh Goody, another long distance flight.

My War on Alcopops

Shhhhhhhh, be vewwwy, vewwwy quiet; I'm hunting bwinge dwinkers, heheheheheheh

I know Australia was unsure if I had it in me. Mr. Popularity, they said, couldn’t make a hard decision they said – well I showed them again.

I acted swiftly and decisively and have again rescued Australia from the brink.
My tax increase on Alcopops came from the same place as a Barry Hall haymaker. No one saw it coming.

Poor Therese had to race the Prius down to Dan Murphy’s in her bright red, satin dressing gown and clear out all their remaining Pineapple Breezers late on Saturday night.

My personal experience of binge drinking is hazy, I didn’t touch the girls, but surely this swift move has brought an unsavoury chapter of Australian teen life to an end.

I’ve transformed from Kevin 07 -shallow populist to Elmer Rudd – hunter and man of steel.

I’m hunting Alco pops.

My next apology......to the Tasmanian Tiger

Based on the overwhelming success of my apology to the Stolen Generation my PR Team have another major event planned.

I'm using the first day of sitting in the new parliamentary session to apologise to the Tasmanian Tiger, 75 years after the last Thylacine was captured.

Research says this will broaden my appeal across animal lovers, a key demographic for my new Labor. It will be a heartfelt apology on behalf of all Australians and Tasmanians and should be a real tear jerker.

To commemorate the apology I'm painting stripes over my dog Abigail's rear end and expect all school students to follow suit with their pets.

Brendan Nelson will be invited to respond as I personally hold John Howard responsible for the extinction of the Thylacine it should be another tough one for the Liberals.

It's Year Zero and Kevin is saving the World

I am officially naming this year, Zero, the first year of the reign of Rudd.

My 2020 confirmation Summit highlighted that Australia didn't exist prior to the Summit.

We have had a brutal totalitarian regime in place, our economy did not exist, our form of government was primitive, our taxation system archaic, our leadership non existent, our education system destroyed Australia's young, didn't provide apples and did not recognise our Asian roots.

I have changed all this, just read my press releases.

I now officially declare the New Australia under Rudd...welcome to Year Zero.

Summit confirms my brilliance

I threw open the windows to let in a bit of fresh air, urged everyone to take hold of the future, to seize the day with our fundamental value of an irreducible human dignity.

As usual I undersold the Summit, didn't want to raise expectations.

So what did I get from my handpicked group of left leaning superior beings?

They overwhelmingly voted to support ALP policy and get us a Republic! In fact the 100 people in the Governance group voted 98-2 in favour of a republic. What an endorsement.
98% of less than 0.0005% of the population has officially endorsed ALP policy. Now that's the sort of break through idea I wanted.

I also got my childcare super centre endorsed, it's my new idea but I'm happy the UK and Victoria have already implemented it. It was part of another brilliant revelation reinforced by my echo Julia. Kids need education to develop their brains.....Unbelievable, if it wasn't for the Summit that would never have come out!

Other significant ideas were that everyone should be like Kevin and speak Mandarin.

It delivered more than I could have hoped for and reinforced that I am in fact the man most suited to be leading the Republic of Australia in 2020 as its President and Supreme Commander.

That got 100% endorsement from my Summiteers.

2020 Summit a Celebration of Rudd

The 2020 Summit will be Australia's official celebration of our great Leader Kevin.

Official ceremonies giving thanks to Kevin and the Summit's ratification of his ideas as being the greatest ideas ever, will be held through out the weekend.

Kevin the great leader has themed the Summit "When we want a great idea - I'll give you one" and has personally selected every delegate and planted every topic.

"It's modelled on the National People's Congress in my beloved China" Kevin told his followers.