Hi I'm Kevin and I'm here to rule the world

I'm not sure why Malcolm snubbed me? I speak Chinese for god's sake.

As Albo and my cheer squad also said, "He's Australian and you always back the Aussie."

Even Backdoor Bill backflipped again and got on board. Reminded me of the good old days, Albo, Chris and Tanya kissing my ass with Bill lurking in the background.

 

One of the saddest days in global history is how it's been described (by me)

 

 

 

World Leaders endorse me as UN Secretary General

What the world needs now is Rudd, sweet Rudd!

I'm back, boy am I back!

The rumours are true, the world wants Kevin to save it. Ban Ki is old news, I for one am over the moon. I've got the numbers to roll him and take over as official Head of the World. Everyone reports to me!

I'll fix things...how about No, Kim Jong un.
Get rid of your frickin islands Xi Jinping or we'll melt them with hot magma.
Leave now President Assad or you'll get a shark with big friggin laser beam up your arse.

Then we'll spend ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS on school halls.

Gotta Zip

When I ruled the world 

Don't worry I'll be a loyal little backbencher, again

I saved the Party, if not for me we'd be smaller than the Australian Motoring Enthusiast party.

I've done my job, ditched the witch and saved the furniture. Six years in Opposition gives me time to build my momentum. Ease back in with Kochie, a couple of Project appearances, I may even twerk. Do a backflip on some emerging policy idea, get the kids screaming again, then fire up Twitter with a couple of selfies.

Australia then gets back on the Ruddster, over the top I come and can you believe it, PM for the third time!

If all else fails I'll back door Ban-ki and take over the UN or possibly re write the bible and add that bit about slavery in.

Gotta Zip

Eviction night

Quick Australia Last chance for a Selfie

I've got an extra large battery strapped on my iphone and I'm off - 3 days of back to back Selfie sessions. By Saturday more Australians will have a KRudd selfie than have NBN connections!

You love me, I just wish you were old enough to vote...

I can even spin the Bible now!

I let them have it on Q&A last night. My recent conversion to Gay marriage had me at the throat of that Christian ratbag.

Fair shake of the sauce bottle - I'm a bigger gay icon than Kylie. I'm gonna wax my ass, slap on the chaps and lead Mardi Gras next year!

The Bible says Slavery is a natural condition, the only natural condition I subscribe to is me in charge......Take that Jesus and your Bible!

I believe people are born gay, just like I was born full of spin. It's not my fault, its genetic. Like my deficit, my lying and my temper - all genetic and definately not my fault.

Thought Bubble

You know what this country needs is millions of Gay Boat people to save my ass!

 

Our private polling suggests this election will still be tight

 

 

 

The black hole grows bigger and bigger and threatens a global recession

Penny and L Plate Treasurer worked through the night on our excel spreadsheet and found another $10 billion black hole. It was Treasury approved, they use the same excel package as we do!

Add it to the $15 trillion black hole and I've caught Tony Abbott out, aren't I clever! My speech was inspirational, Penny was serious, concerned and horrified. L plate was equally stern, pouting in disgust just like the acting teacher instructed..... and I was brilliant.

I'm a serious World Leader...I've got a picture to show it

It's never about action, it's always about perception. Here's a pic of me, arms not long enough for a selfie, on the phone trying to get Broncos tickets from my old mate Rupert.

For all the world it could have been Barak ringing for my advice on Syria, alas he mustn't have my number - he never returns my calls.

The more you see the more you love... Too much ain't enough Rudd!

I've always worked on the theory "Too much ain't enough Rudd".

Fair dinkum, I'd travel through the night to get 30 seconds on a TV program - so what's the issue Australia? 

You've clearly not got enough Rudd.

A new way - with NO negative politics, that's me.

Just quietly.... Tony Abbott will drive us in to recession, he'll cut 18 million jobs and shut 50,000 schools and we'll be at war with Indonesia over boat people.

I'm not being negative just passing on irrefutable facts.

They're not broken promises...I’m just a bit over exuberant with the truth. (again)

My Twitter exploded with people calling me a hypocrite over my negative ads on Tony Abbott. C’mon guys, fair suck of the sauce bottle!

You know me, I’m happy Selfie Kev. KRUDDMP, Kevin 07 – the happiest, wackiest, most hip and popular PM ever.   The guy who screams at flight attendants, rages at staff when I don’t get my way, has hissy fits if I can’t get a hair dryer in Afghanistan, screams and bangs his fists in rage on camera.

I’m the guy who School kids love, the guy who said he’d never see circumstances where he’d take on the leadership of the Labor party, the guy who hasn’t lurched to the right on Asylum seekers.

C’mon guys – I’m not in to negative ads, remember it’s a new way!
 

 

Today's Opinion polls can't be right!

I personally cannot believe the latest opinion poll. I gotta say Australia, you’ve got it wrong.

Speaking personally, I have never loved myself as much as I do now. I’m back, the people’s Prince has been resurrected.

C’mon Australia – I’m the lovable nerd, what about the zany selfies, the massive intellect, the ability to speak Chinese, the adoration of 10 year old school kids, even Peter Beattie says he loves me.

It’s not fair the Murdoch press have turned on me. I’ve given them more stories than any MP in the past 7 years. I’ve still got the ABC & Fairfax onside, but I’m lobbying Ten to bring back ROVE for a month.

Australia, I’ll get really angry – just like the video, if you don’t show you love me by voting me back as PM. Fair shake of the Sauce bottle! Get it right. Gotta zip (see, I’m a funny guy).

I can't get by without my Triple A credit rating

How do you think I could pay out all these billions.... not without my Triple A credit card.

We're going so well we've just written down $33billion in revenue, got a slowing economy, stagnant retail sales, unemployment spiking and whacked up taxes. The cut in interest rates only reinforces how great things are.

Phew, did anyone buy that?

Re elect Australia's greatest Prime Minister for the first time!

I'm new Kevin, old Kevin never really existed. He was a blubbering mess after they punted him.

 

New Kevin represents a complete change from the incompetent, petty, internally preoccupied, Labor Government of the past 6 years.

We'll be in surplus - I demand Treasury forecast it!

You know I'm not one to take accountability, it's always someone else's fault.

My honest assessment is we'd be in huge surplus if only Treasury delivered their forecasts. It's that simple.

I'm fixing this by demanding they deliver the latest forecast to achieve yet another Labor surplus, our tenth forecast surplus in 6 years, a proud record of economic management.

My Treasurer Chris Bowen, the man who delivered Grocery Watch and the Petrol Commissioner, is just the man to make it happen.  Oops!  Time for a selfie.. Kim Carr caught leaking in Parliament House!

Fair shake of the Sauce bottle - Asylum seekers stop coming

 

 

I'm not sure what's gone wrong, doesn't anyone read the Telegraph anymore?

I don't belong here!

Stop the boats - drownings - FBT job losses - Policy on the run .... Time for a Selfie

Note to self: when times get tough distract.
Man these disabled toilets have poor ventilation, fortunately my shit don't stink..
Ha Ha Kevin