Beware of worshipping a False God

With 74% popularity, 25 points ahead of Jesus and 42 points clear of Allah I would have to say my popularity is god like.
The perfect Christian, I even saved a fellow parishioner’s life recently – personally carrying this man ten kilometers to hospital after his collapse. I’m well known in public life as a man of humility, quietly spoken and even tempered. Have you ever seen me on morning T.V., my humble close “good to be with you” signed off with a cheesy grin.

I’m an Economic Conservative, I said so 50 times with Julia during the election and a man of the people. I hate corporate greed and wealthy CEO’s ripping us poor people off.

I don’t know where these horrible lies about me come from? Attending a strip club while drunk, bullying a flight attendant, working my staff like dogs and then attacking them publically when they complain, preaching a new socialism while living a multi millionaire’s lifestyle, prone to foul mouthed outbursts, promising false hope – Petrol Commissioner to reduce prices, Grocery Watch to reduce prices, 2020 Summit to fix everything...

As I said recently, "...worshipped as a god and we know now that god was false”. I went on damning those who put their egos and power ahead of all others “...the unrestrained pursuit of self-interest was not only morally legitimate but, equally, was to be morally encouraged."

Give me a global stimulus package, but don’t give me meat

I apologise unreservedly, after the event, for my latest bout of air rage. It’s tough for me being the only perfect being on the planet – everyone comes up short.

That trumped up waitress should have known better. Serving the World’s Number One mover & shaker, the White Obama, meat! She won’t do it again.

She’d be pouring Latte's at Donut King if I had my way.

Wasn’t I great at the G20! All that footage of me waving and pointing at Barack. It’s a little game we play now, started at the White House. I say “Hey Barack isn’t that Bin Laden over there” pointing into space. Barack goes “look Kevin, there’s Mark Latham”. We’re becoming great mates.

Did you see me hugging Lula from Brazil, real man love there. He can’t speak a word of English, thought I was the Chinese Premier...”not yet old mate”, I said.

Gordy, my mate Gordon Brown, keeps telling anyone who’ll listen how wonderful I am. Right back at ya Gordy! If I didn’t have Therese you know I’d be torn between Barack and Gordy.

Things are going well. 19 new friends who’ll listen to every word I say. Last time that happened was my grade 1 Birthday speech at Nambour Primary. I had 19 enemies when I finished an hour later.

I said to Therese I’m thinking of inviting the G20 for Christmas, as long as the press come.