I think my economic conservatism is preventing me spending...

• $42 Billion stimulus package - $3.9 Billion on insulation / $12 Billion in $900 cash gifts
• $10.4 Billion stimulus package - $8 Billion in cash handouts
• $43 Billion broadband - $100 Billion on Defense
• $50 Billion+ Budget deficit

It's clear my stimulus packages are having an impact

The IMF forecasts my stimulus packages will drive Unemployment in Australia over 7% and Digital TV penetration to over 95%

I'm proud that Australia is leading both the UK and USA in unemployment growth in the past 3 months and with my current plans biting we'll see Australia give away it's headstart and overtake these two giants shortly.

At least my stimulus package is stimulating my popularity

I’ve got all the answers to this global recession. You notice I now can’t stop using the word recession, I quite like it in its new global context. I'm beginning to love this recession, an excuse for anything. It's even funded my failed Education Revolution.

My targeted spending of tax-payers money on current and potential ALP voters in the form of handouts to splash on booze, escorts, pokies or new TV’s has really hit the mark.

I don’t judge its impact on unemployment figures, but my popularity. 74%, come on the handouts couldn’t be more targeted!

Anyway I’ve got the ultimate line. If I hadn’t spent the money things would be worse. Unemployment would have gone up to 7%, Parramatta would have lost to the Dragons by 30 points, Collingwood would have lost to Geelong by 90 points and South Africa would have beaten Australia by 60 runs.....but I’d still have 74% popularity.

My pokies revolution approved

It's clear now, we have 2 parties on different paths. Malcolm Turnbull stood in the way of my big handout and the seven day delay will probably result in Australia moving in to its worst recession ever!

My $42 billion War on Insulation, Pokies Revolution and Spend whatever it takes on education to prove I actually had a plan for an 'Education Revolution' will surely send generations of future Australian's in to long term debt and poverty......but at least they'll have been poorly educated in newly built schools!

Just remember who gave the punters $900 and insulated their homes from the weather -but not declining values when the next election rolls around.

Good old Uncle Kev!

Saving the world, it's all in a week's work

After writing the essay that will save the world from Neo Liberal vandals I moved quickly to save a pensioner who collapsed in Church. I did my best, personally carrying this beast of man on my shoulders out of my Church while applying CPR and giving him a $900 bonus.

After helping this poor wretch I then ran home in 40 degree heat and commenced work 24/7 on the $42 billion package to save Australia.

In a time when interest rates are collapsing, petrol prices have fallen and inflation has come down I've given the battlers another pokies handout. I figure they can now play the $2 machines and buy full strength beer given the money that's been freed up lately and this bonus.

Screw the recent unemployed, most of them are Neo Liberal Bankers anyway and screw anyone earning over $100,000 per year. I'd rather give drinking and gambling money to the punters.

My education revolution is back on track thanks to sending Australia $20 billion in debt and my bonus for household insulation will surely offset the hot air coming after I rolled on carbon trading!

Got it covered, I am legend!

I love the smell of socialism in the morning

Can you believe it, I make a firm decision and my rating soars.

I've spent my inheritance in one day. The Economic conservative stuff was never really me. It got us elected but deep down Julia, Swanny and I always had our fingers crossed.

We were like a bunch of drunken socialists throwing money around after finding the safe unlocked.

The next step for us Economic Conservatives is to socialise the banking system, ban executive bonuses and bring on the socialist state.

I'm a naughty comrade.