My first 100 days...and ain't I wonderful

To celebrate my first 100 days I've taken the liberty of pulping 10,000 of Tasmania's finest old growth trees and imported the world's finest inks to produce the most self-indulgent publication released since my last self-indulgent publication, the first "100 days" being Ruddrless.

What have I achieved, well where do I start?

I've travelled more air miles than every other previous Australian PM put together – adding more carbon to the environment than a Kim Beasley methane attack after a month on the Baked beans.

I've overseen the local Stock Markets crashing wiping a years value off the market and my old mate and fellow Queenslander Eddy Groves has just about lost his business along with Centro and Allco.

The Inflation genie is out of the bottle, parents are continuing to desert the State Labor school system and the long standing State Labor governments want billions to fix the very Hospital's they stuffed up and can't fix and not one kid has a laptop.

And what have I done – gone to Bali and achieved nothing, told Ross Garnaut he's got the wrong answer on climate change, said "Sorry" to the stolen generation - I'll cover the rest of you at the next Election, held a hundred press conferences and spun more lines than oversexed twenty year old in a nightclub.

......and I've only just begun, Australia you've got another 1000 days to go!

Jobs for the boys, my twin brother petrol Commissioner

Patrick Walker aka Pat Rudd is our new Petrol Commissioner. Pat and I were reunited by our local church after Pat's family commented on his unfortunate resemblance to me during the election.

Pat was part of the Stolen Generation, Children of Eumundi taken away from nerdish families determined to give them balanced, fulfilling lives by the more well rounded citizen's of the Sunshine Coast.

It was great to see genetics took over and his love of Petrol prices meant Pat was my man. Look out Shell and BP, you've now got 2 Rudds to deal with.

Week 1 and I’ve almost saved the World

Well my Sorry speech has finally put the Aboriginal problem to rest. I thought I was brilliant, had the crowd eating out of my palms - haven't had that much audience support since those screaming schoolgirls during the election. Aboriginal relations fixed!

I'm not one for tokenism but I think my wage freeze has put the Inflation genie back in her bottle! Millionaires like me aren't in it for the money, my investments make me all my money. That bunch I've got received an increase after moving from shadow to real portfolios anyway.

Showing Industry an example like that is sure to stop those money grabbing CEO's taking wage increases. Wage inflation fixed!

Finally, my 3 hour visit to Timor to sort out who tried to knock off my best best mate Jose (did I tell you I stayed at his house?) is carbon well spent I say!

I can't trust the word of my commanders and troops on the ground or the UN. No Kelvin's gotta go and fix it himself. I honestly have no idea how the world operated BD (Before Dudd). Timor fixed!

What a week

SORRY....about Julia's haircut

Key ALP role - D'Ath to sit behind Rudd

In keeping with getting a young attractive female to sit behind Kevin Rudd , Kate Ellis has been flicked to the Ministry and newcomer Yvette D'Ath has been given the key role.

"Yvette beat a top class field. Her nodding and smiling skills were outstanding..... but her performance in the swimsuit section really sealed victory" said proud Leader Kevin Rudd. "I'm expecting lots of emotion during the Sorry speech, Yvette has been working all week in the mirror."

Look out here comes half price Vegemite

My Inquiry into Grocery prices should see the price of Vegemite cut in half so Australian Working Families can overdose on it!

It's all so simple - I announce an inquiry, the ACCC investigates and down come the prices, just like the Oil inquiry!

I'll have inflation under control in hours.

Screw the Whales - Save the Japanese

We love our sushi Therese and I and we've found the best Sushi in Canberra already. The Japanese ambassador's wife makes the meanest Sushi this side of Yokahama.

I said I'd lay off the whales if she made me her special sushi. The Ambassador says they're catching the meat now, it comes in very cold and Mrs. Ambassador cooks it just right.

Should be here in a month.Can't for the life of me think what it could be....buffalo maybe!