Nicola's driving me to drink

Nicola is like having a slow sister. She constantly needs direction – left to her own devices she trips herself up hourly. As I look across Caucus I do remind myself that this lot represent our community, idiots included.

Anyway, the latest Alco-pops drama has seen Nicola at her best. This Health Tax was developed to solve binge drinking across our teens, not solve our budget deficit. It’s another of my visionary policies, fix health by taxing booze. I thought Nicola got it – my mistake!

Nicola was on message for so long, I’d spent weeks drumming it in to her. This of course is the girl who has only ever won one debate in her political life – and that required Tony Abbott to not turn up. As I’ve said to Therese, Nicola’s best work is done in any empty room.

Well, Nicola’s mature reaction to the Alco-pops Health Tax has me wishing she’d stayed in her office. Hand back the $300 million we’ve raised already to the booze companies?

It’s a health tax so let’s spend the revenue on health girl.

Driving a $1.5 billion black hole in the budget.

It’s a health tax. It’s about health not revenue!

Who do I replace her with? Peter Garrett, Maxine McKew?

My Scores lesson, 'Look but don't touch' is now policy

“Look but don’t touch four eyes” the bouncer yelled pointing at the sign.

I first learned about the ‘LOOK but don't touch’ philosophy when I was in New York. Scores had the sign hanging above the lap dancer as I lapsed into a coma after an alcopop induced binge
session. For the record I can’t remember anything else.

I’ve taken the learning of Scores into Government.

Look but don’t touch – Petrol prices, Grocery prices, Housing affordability and anything else. Inquiries, Commissioners you name it. I’ll look at everything but do nothing.

The other learning about convenient memory loss and blaming everyone else of course were well established in Opposition.