Mini Me from the ALP

I'm the first to admit guys like John Howard have always been my heroes. Growing up idolising Barry Jones, Pee Wee Herman and Billy McMahon, I now find myself watching the Simpsons hoping for a glimpse of Millhouse.

You know I only went into politics after seeing Sonia MacMahon in that skimpy dress with Billy. In the friction of my pubescent stupor I had an epiphany, Nerds get the hot chicks if they go into Politics. John Howard and I are living proof of that.

I love John Howard, I want to be just like him. I think it will make change easier, Australians should just think of it as handing over to John Howard's little brother.

What's old and wrinkly and hangs out underpants?... The P.M.

How dare that dishonest old man adopt a poll driven political strategy. That's my territory. It appears the more I become like him, the more he becomes like me.

Don't blame me for the Premiers, I didn't vote for them and as far as I'm concerned they're nothing more than a bunch of upmarket trade unionists. It was my idea to attack the government over state issues, I agree they're hopeless and wasteful. Don't blame them or me, blame John Howard.

It's fascinating to see Liberal polling reveal how likeable, compassionate and appealing to young hip voters I am. No surprise to me of course. My mentor in this area, Peter Bleattie told me "Mate, once you can fake sincerity you've got it made". Not only have I got sincerity covered, I've also got empathy, likeability and compassion!

Gotta Run.

C'mon Australia, you love the Ruddster?

I said to Therese I simply can't believe today's poll. That old man almost drawing level with me as preferred PM, cannot be true!

What have I done wrong? I've told Australia I can solve every domestic problem, every global and regional issue and I've already solved the drought. My appointment of the old ABC weatherman proved an inspired choice.

Surely it's not the Aboriginals, I know.... it could be Prince William. I shouldn't have bagged him with a Channel 9 special only days later. I'll ask my Commissioner for opportunistic appointments to get me a meeting with him, hopefully he speaks Mandarin so I can finally express my linguistic prowess.

Therese has got the wobbles over this poll, she's even putting the sale of her Australian business on hold.

Gotta run

I'm not sure I like the Labor Party

I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like Trade Unionists. They're grubby, uneducated, underdressed, unattractive and inarticulate. Julia's always defending them, but to be honest I'm off them.

I'm having lots of doubts, Therese has been on and on about how great AWA's are, I don't really want to drive a Hybrid car. Maybe I'm a Liberal at heart? Could I get Howard's job after all, Leader of the Liberal Party,!.............."Therese honey, I've got another idea".....