Didn't I tell you it was a Horror budget?

I really think Australia has been quite ungrateful when it comes to embracing my recent efforts to spend their great-grandkids inheritance. How quickly you forget who put that new plasma on your TV stand.

The budget was a carefully constructed event. The leaks, the drama, the horror – it was truly great theatre, lost on the average punter clearly! I took you to the edge but gave you a happy ending. Don’t you get it – it’s the Ruddster, no pain all gain! You took me too literally. Hey horror’s a pretty broad term anyway.

My budget was endorsed by the hard working guys and gals at Standard & Poors, they gave Lehman Brothers an A rating before they collapsed, so they really are great guys and gals.

Why the backlash on me anyway? I didn’t read it, just sat there licking my lips staring at Julie Bishop’s thighs and muttering a few here here’s. Why can’t Julia look like Julie? Horror, I’ll give you Horror Australia. Try sitting beside the despatch box with Julia Gillard’s arse in your face, that’s real Horror Australia.

So now I’ve gotta continue the horror theme and run the line we made the tough decisions that cost me in the polls. I take the hit, I made the tough decisions that needed to be made in the national interest, and the national interest is of course to have me as PM.

If this hurts my popularity any more I’m not afraid to make another tough decision and hang Swanny out to dry.